I love being delirious due to illness.
A conflict of thoughts and emotions that plague me constantly.
Emotional responses rather than logical but not ones of doing self or other's harm.
No. Just the conflict of a reality I, either no longer want to be a part of, or a reality I can't fathom to take part in any longer.
I know that sounds suicidal but that is not my intentions with that though.
I guess it's more of a coping mechanism.
There are no 2 different sides of my personality...
I guess that's laughable since Bipolar seems to be that way but, rather just emotions vs. logic.
Scenario running between what is and what is not, a disillusion of mind from reality.
I really feel as if reality was a made-up thing, a dream then I would truly just wake up when faced with dangers or conflict.
A forced return to reality when one does not want to face the consequences of one's actions or cannot face conflict of any or all kinds.
The mind is truly amazing and exploring one's own mind, and the world as we perceive it, has always been truly fascinating to me.
There is no magic that surrounds us but the magic for which we make for ourselves by bending and shaping ourselves to that of what we desire and need.
Perhaps that, itself, is what makes magic around us?
Something does not come from nothing.
Something only comes from something that has transformed.
Transformation of thoughts manifest into reality because we make it happen or not.
That is called motivation.
Motivation extends from truths (goals) and lies (selfish agendas), both ideas that extend from a deeper existence of whom we truly are.
Dig deep enough into one's own psyche and we will all see our true selves.
Interestingly enough what that says about us is that we are programmed, albeit ingrained or taught (both are possibilities), with our qualities.
Example:
A person that thinks of murdering others and does not act upon their fantasies may have qualities of...
1. Self-preservations.
2. Values or understands the act would be taking another's life.
The latter would be then indicated as that person having a heart and the thoughts merely out of frustration through circumstances out of that person's control.
BUT. Absolute power corrupts absolutely and given that power to anyone, could cause even a caring person to go insane with it.
Given the option to do anything without consequences to themselves is a true test of character.
Psychology is so interesting and knowing it and using it to evaluate myself seems to push me to new limits in, what seems, walking with my head in the clouds, it can surely make things indistinguishable sometimes.
There are no 2 different sides of my personality...
I guess that's laughable since Bipolar seems to be that way but, rather just emotions vs. logic.
Scenario running between what is and what is not, a disillusion of mind from reality.
I really feel as if reality was a made-up thing, a dream then I would truly just wake up when faced with dangers or conflict.
A forced return to reality when one does not want to face the consequences of one's actions or cannot face conflict of any or all kinds.
The mind is truly amazing and exploring one's own mind, and the world as we perceive it, has always been truly fascinating to me.
There is no magic that surrounds us but the magic for which we make for ourselves by bending and shaping ourselves to that of what we desire and need.
Perhaps that, itself, is what makes magic around us?
Something does not come from nothing.
Something only comes from something that has transformed.
Transformation of thoughts manifest into reality because we make it happen or not.
That is called motivation.
Motivation extends from truths (goals) and lies (selfish agendas), both ideas that extend from a deeper existence of whom we truly are.
Dig deep enough into one's own psyche and we will all see our true selves.
Interestingly enough what that says about us is that we are programmed, albeit ingrained or taught (both are possibilities), with our qualities.
Example:
A person that thinks of murdering others and does not act upon their fantasies may have qualities of...
1. Self-preservations.
2. Values or understands the act would be taking another's life.
The latter would be then indicated as that person having a heart and the thoughts merely out of frustration through circumstances out of that person's control.
BUT. Absolute power corrupts absolutely and given that power to anyone, could cause even a caring person to go insane with it.
Given the option to do anything without consequences to themselves is a true test of character.
Psychology is so interesting and knowing it and using it to evaluate myself seems to push me to new limits in, what seems, walking with my head in the clouds, it can surely make things indistinguishable sometimes.
Logic and Emotions.
Emotions are like waves pounding the shore, tides coming in and out.
The other is the rules, facts of what actually is.
However. Rules and facts could be debatable to how people perceive reality.
I'm running in circles with this now but, maybe, that's because I perceive reality as askew, nature out of harmony and balance tend to have a butterfly effect everything that inhabits it.
-----
Disclaimer:
A personal struggle without intent to do self-harm or harm any living thing around them.
This is simply my mind while being sick.
Emotions are like waves pounding the shore, tides coming in and out.
The other is the rules, facts of what actually is.
However. Rules and facts could be debatable to how people perceive reality.
I'm running in circles with this now but, maybe, that's because I perceive reality as askew, nature out of harmony and balance tend to have a butterfly effect everything that inhabits it.
-----
Disclaimer:
A personal struggle without intent to do self-harm or harm any living thing around them.
This is simply my mind while being sick.
Thank you for listening to my ramblings.
-----
Published: May 5, 2025.
By GEIST von PA.
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